Facet Online


	HOME \| ABOUT US \| ORDER MATERIALS \| FOR FACILITATORS \| CONTACT US
	Guidelines for Facilitators - Special Circumstances Cohabitation: p. 1, p. 2 \|\| Convalidation \|\| Second Marriage
	COHABITATION - Specifics in FACET The following statements found in FACET may lend themselves to further discussion around the issue of cohabitation. Family of Origin Item 7: I believe my family has had a great influence on my values. Discussion: How does your family feel about your decision to live together? How do they feel about your decision to marry? Will some kind of reconciliation be necessary between you and your parents? Roles in Marriage Item 13: I understand that we need to share household tasks. Discussion: Do you feel comfortable with the sharing of household tasks presently? What changes, if any, do you see happening after you are married? Item 17: I believe that we are both responsible for running our house. Discussion: Who is primarily responsible for the jobs in your household? Do you both work outside the home? What happens if a job doesn't get done? Do you have different definitions of what "clean" means? Item 19: I believe my future spouse does not value my contribution to our household. Discussion: Do you feel that your partner yells or nags at you? Do you hope that things might change after you are married? How would you know if your partner appreciates your contribution to the household?—A gift? A word of thanks? An offer to do a job for you? Budget/Finances Item 25: I understand that differences about finances can cause stress in our relationship. *Discussion:* How do you handle finances now? Do you have joint or separate bank accounts? Will that change after you are married? Are you both in agreement about budgeting and savings? Item 33: I will be honest about my financial situation and spending. *Discussion:* Have you shared about your current debts and assets? Do you have a plan for paying bills? Values Item 37: I understand that it is important to have similar values. Discussion: Did living together violate a value for either of you? Item 39: I understand that my life choices are based on my values. Discussion: Did either of you feel pressure from the other to move in together? Have you talked about that? Would you make the same choice again? Would you consider a time of separation before the wedding? Habits Item 47: I understand physical abuse is never acceptable. Discussion: Have you had experience with any form of abuse up to this point in your relationship? Do either of you have any reason to believe abuse (pushing, hitting, screaming might be a problem for you? Items 51, 55: I believe it is important to be honest about habits that might affect our relationship. My future spouse has some habits that concern me. Discussion: Recreational habits? Technology habits? Spending habits? Substance abuse habits? Anything that you didn't want to address before now should be addressed before you marry. If nothing changed in the person you plan to marry, would that be okay with you? Work/Family Issues Item 65: I believe we agree about how much time is required of each of us by our employer. Discussion: Have either of you felt that the other spends too much time at work? How have you dealt with the problem? Do you see the situation changing after you are married? Friends/Leisure Item 70: I understand unmarried people often socialize differently from married people. Discussion: Do you socialize more as a couple now or more as individuals? Do you see your pattern of socializing changing after you are married? After you have children? Item 77: I believe problems between spouses should not be discussed with friends. Discussion: Do we agree that we need to discuss our issues only with each other, unless we feel we need professional help?Have we operated that way thus far? Item 83: I will build joint friendships that support our marriage. Discussion: Do we currently have friends who support us as a couple? Sexuality/Intimacy Item 95: I will practice faithfulness, both emotional and physical. Discussion: Are we ready to see our relationship as exclusive, both emotionally and physically? Commitment Item 100: I understand commitment involves choosing one person over all others. Discussion: At what point do you think you made a commitment to each other? Before you started living together? After you moved in together? Communication Item 116: I believe we agree communication is important in our relationship. Discussion: Are you happy with the level of communication in your relationship now? What areas, if any, do you think you need to work on? Item 123: I will share my concerns rather than keeping them to myself. Discussion: Has this ever been an issue in the past for you? How have you dealt with it? Parenting Item 131: I understand it is important for fathers to be actively involved in the raising of their children. Discussion: Are you bringing children into the marriage? Whose child or children? Item 137: I will discuss when we would like to start a family? Discussion: Have you already talked about children and was that part of your decision to marry at this time? Faith/Religion/Spirituality Item 142: I understand religious belief strengthens marriage. Discussion: Has the practice of religion (prayer, attending church, etc.) been part of your life together? Do you expect any changes in your religious life after you are married? Catholic Section Item 156: I understand what the Catholic Church teaches about the two purposes of marriage. Discussion: Did you know that the church wants you to be companions in marriage, as well as having the experience of being parents? Items 166 and 172: I believe marriage is a sign of God's love in the world. I will model Jesus’ love in our marriage. Discussion: Getting married in the church is a sign to others that you intend to model God's love for all of us in your love for one another. Does that feel like a privilege, or like a burden?
	Cohabitation: p. 1, p. 2 \|\| Convalidation \|\| Second Marriage


	HOME \| ABOUT US \| ORDER MATERIALS \| FOR FACILITATORS \| CONTACT US
	Guidelines for Facilitators - Special Circumstances Cohabitation: p. 1, p. 2 \|\| Convalidation \|\| Second Marriage
	COHABITATION - Specifics in FACET The following statements found in FACET may lend themselves to further discussion around the issue of cohabitation. Family of Origin Item 7: I believe my family has had a great influence on my values. Discussion: How does your family feel about your decision to live together? How do they feel about your decision to marry? Will some kind of reconciliation be necessary between you and your parents? Roles in Marriage Item 13: I understand that we need to share household tasks. Discussion: Do you feel comfortable with the sharing of household tasks presently? What changes, if any, do you see happening after you are married? Item 17: I believe that we are both responsible for running our house. Discussion: Who is primarily responsible for the jobs in your household? Do you both work outside the home? What happens if a job doesn't get done? Do you have different definitions of what "clean" means? Item 19: I believe my future spouse does not value my contribution to our household. Discussion: Do you feel that your partner yells or nags at you? Do you hope that things might change after you are married? How would you know if your partner appreciates your contribution to the household?—A gift? A word of thanks? An offer to do a job for you? Budget/Finances Item 25: I understand that differences about finances can cause stress in our relationship. *Discussion:* How do you handle finances now? Do you have joint or separate bank accounts? Will that change after you are married? Are you both in agreement about budgeting and savings? Item 33: I will be honest about my financial situation and spending. *Discussion:* Have you shared about your current debts and assets? Do you have a plan for paying bills? Values Item 37: I understand that it is important to have similar values. Discussion: Did living together violate a value for either of you? Item 39: I understand that my life choices are based on my values. Discussion: Did either of you feel pressure from the other to move in together? Have you talked about that? Would you make the same choice again? Would you consider a time of separation before the wedding? Habits Item 47: I understand physical abuse is never acceptable. Discussion: Have you had experience with any form of abuse up to this point in your relationship? Do either of you have any reason to believe abuse (pushing, hitting, screaming might be a problem for you? Items 51, 55: I believe it is important to be honest about habits that might affect our relationship. My future spouse has some habits that concern me. Discussion: Recreational habits? Technology habits? Spending habits? Substance abuse habits? Anything that you didn't want to address before now should be addressed before you marry. If nothing changed in the person you plan to marry, would that be okay with you? Work/Family Issues Item 65: I believe we agree about how much time is required of each of us by our employer. Discussion: Have either of you felt that the other spends too much time at work? How have you dealt with the problem? Do you see the situation changing after you are married? Friends/Leisure Item 70: I understand unmarried people often socialize differently from married people. Discussion: Do you socialize more as a couple now or more as individuals? Do you see your pattern of socializing changing after you are married? After you have children? Item 77: I believe problems between spouses should not be discussed with friends. Discussion: Do we agree that we need to discuss our issues only with each other, unless we feel we need professional help?Have we operated that way thus far? Item 83: I will build joint friendships that support our marriage. Discussion: Do we currently have friends who support us as a couple? Sexuality/Intimacy Item 95: I will practice faithfulness, both emotional and physical. Discussion: Are we ready to see our relationship as exclusive, both emotionally and physically? Commitment Item 100: I understand commitment involves choosing one person over all others. Discussion: At what point do you think you made a commitment to each other? Before you started living together? After you moved in together? Communication Item 116: I believe we agree communication is important in our relationship. Discussion: Are you happy with the level of communication in your relationship now? What areas, if any, do you think you need to work on? Item 123: I will share my concerns rather than keeping them to myself. Discussion: Has this ever been an issue in the past for you? How have you dealt with it? Parenting Item 131: I understand it is important for fathers to be actively involved in the raising of their children. Discussion: Are you bringing children into the marriage? Whose child or children? Item 137: I will discuss when we would like to start a family? Discussion: Have you already talked about children and was that part of your decision to marry at this time? Faith/Religion/Spirituality Item 142: I understand religious belief strengthens marriage. Discussion: Has the practice of religion (prayer, attending church, etc.) been part of your life together? Do you expect any changes in your religious life after you are married? Catholic Section Item 156: I understand what the Catholic Church teaches about the two purposes of marriage. Discussion: Did you know that the church wants you to be companions in marriage, as well as having the experience of being parents? Items 166 and 172: I believe marriage is a sign of God's love in the world. I will model Jesus’ love in our marriage. Discussion: Getting married in the church is a sign to others that you intend to model God's love for all of us in your love for one another. Does that feel like a privilege, or like a burden?
	Cohabitation: p. 1, p. 2 \|\| Convalidation \|\| Second Marriage