Guidelines for Facilitators

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FACET Tool Topics, cont'd.:

5. HABITS
   Habits cover a wide range of items. It might mean an occasional burp, or it could mean road rage. Some habits are destructive and will cause a marriage to crumble. This section has to do with having both parties go into the marriage with their eyes wide open. Too often a person will reason that a destructive habit, such as drug or alcohol abuse will go away once the couple marries. Love will conquer all. This is faulty thinking — magical thinking. In all probability it will only get worse. Counseling and other treatment programs are available and need to be considered if habits that are currently exhibited by one or both of the partners. You can bring up with them that some couples make an agreement to seek help if either one thinks it is necessary — a different kind of prenuptial agreement. Making that agreement when there is no presenting problem takes some of the sting out of it.
   
   Additional Questions to assist the conversation:
   • Is there any habit(s) that must be confronted and dealt with before you marry?
   • Is there anything that needs to be watched and assessed as potentially a problem?
   • What will you do if something arises in the future?
   • Is there any concern around physical abuse? **If you as facilitator see signs of controlling behaviors, do you have a place to take your concerns?It is very important to have a way to share your observations with a person or agency that can help you assess them.