Guidelines for Facilitators

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The Organization of FACET

FACET is divided into 13 Topics. Each topic has three parts: I know/understand, I believe, and I will.

  • I know (understand)
    I know or I understand is designed to help each person to realize what information their partner may or may not have. The basic building block of relationships is knowledge so the intent here is to figure out what knowledge each person is coming to the marriage with. Therefore, this is an educational aspect of the FACET tool that allows both persons to discover or reveal some fundamental information important for their relationship.

  • I believe
    I believe goes beyond information and adds to the foundation of a marital relationship by having each person express what is his/her truth, or what it is that he or she holds as important. This includes opinions, values, beliefs, and convictions that may be or may not be consistent with their partner. Again, the purpose of FACET is to expose both parties to their similar and, most likely, dissimilar beliefs. It is intended to root out unspoken assumptions, to allow the couple to talk about differences. Because these are not factual issues, this area can provide a rich conversational field where couples can express the things they build their life on. The facilitating couple (if it is a couple) can share their own early experiences of unspoken assumptions at this point if they choose.

  • I will
    I will is designed to take the conversation that has proceeded from the I know and I believe portions of FACET and move the couple into action. It is to help the couple draw upon whatever insights they have just gained and take them into some useful action steps. Healthy marriage is about mature and responsible compromise and a commitment to continual growth. Therefore, this portion of FACET assists the couple to name those things they each are willing to take on as a life plan for creating a great marriage. This portion, if entered into correctly, can be an exciting and positive dimension of their experience of the FACET tool. It might be helpful for the couple to write down some of the things they come up with regarding their future. What they are doing is setting a future course of actions that are designed to assist them in building a lasting and powerful intentional relationship of ongoing growth and development. It springs from, and represents for these couples, the Christian understanding that marriage is a lifelong journey toward each other and toward God. That doesn’t happen without conscious, deliberate actions.

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